Collide
by thesekillerthoughts
Summary: Edward's wife, Tanya, is dead. He's raising his pre-teen on his own. He interviews for a law firm where he meets the gorgeous, mysterious Bella. Bella also happens to be Tanya's best friend from high school. Bippity-boppity-boo. I suck a summaries. Read to find out the rest. Blah-blah. Rated M for swearing and probably lemons later on.
1. Chapter 1: Retreat

**Well, here's my first shot at a story on FF. Hope you like it :)**

**(All these incredible characters are Stephanie Meyer's doing. I'm just tweekin' up the story a bit. Or a lot.)**

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**Chapter 1: Retreat**

_Tanya,_

_I love you. I miss you. Sometimes the weight of you being gone is just too much to bear. Sometimes I just want to curl up and die. Sometimes I want to give up and join you once again. But I can't do that. I can't disappoint you like that. As you would say,_ I have too much to live for.

_I don't think I ever told you this but you saved me, Tanya. I'm sure you knew but I never said the words aloud. I was lost and broken when I met you. I was terrified of just about everything. I was standoffish and it took me forever to open up to you. I think what forced me to lower my guard was your smile. I know, I know, it sounds cliché but it's so damn true. The way you smiled just melted me. _

_You made me the person I always wanted to be. You made me smile, you made me laugh, you made me happy, you made me angry, you made me scream, you made me cry, you made me want to bash my head against the fucking wall and once in a while, you even made me drink. Tanya, baby, you were perfect. You were _mine.

_I didn't know what I'd ever do without you. I thought I'd die._

_And then it happened. Just, out of the blue, you were… gone. No longer could I hold you in my arms as we fell asleep, no longer could I laugh with you, no longer could I make love to you, no longer could I watch our daughter grow up with you. Everything we shared was over._

_Tanya, you being gone killed me inside. I could no longer smile. I was just going through the motions–taking care of Carlie, visiting my family. I did all that but none of it held any meaning anymore._

_When you left, so did I. Edward wasn't there anymore–just a skeleton. You took my reason for everything with you; my reason for breathing, for smiling, for laughing, for fucking _living. _Everything was over for me. You can never understand how much pain I went through. _

_I drank, I smoked, I even _cut myself._ I honestly didn't care whether I lived or died. All I wanted was for you to come back home, to be back in my arms, to know just what Carlie needs when she cries._

_I want to give Carlie everything she needs but what she really needs is a mom. And that's the one thing I cannot give her. God damn it, I can't even give her a father anymore! I'm no longer a good father–if I ever was. I can't tell her it's going to be okay without you here, because how the hell can I make her believe that when I myself can't? _

_I just wish that none of this ever happened. I wish that this was a horrible nightmare and that I'll wake up any minute with you tucked safely beside me._

_But I know that won't ever happen because this isn't some frightening dream–it's now my reality. My horrible, painful reality._

~()~

**Edward's POV**

"Carlie! Hurry your ass up or you're going to be late for school," I yell up the stairs at my daughter.

"I'm _coming, _Dad," she retaliates. "Chill."

I sigh, shaking my head. _Preteens. _If she has this much attitude now at twelve, I can only imagine how bad she'll be when she's sixteen. _Tanya would know just how to deal with this. _Again, I shake my head at myself. I will not think about her. Not today.

"Quit the bitch-act and get in the car. I can't be late for this interview, Carlie."

She visibly rolls her eyes but does as she's told. I grab my briefcase (it has nothing in it, it's just better to look professional) and glance at my reflection in the hall mirror, quickly straightening my tie.

I leave the house, locking the door behind me and then dart to my car, trying to avoid getting too wet because of the rain. Muttering curse words, I try to open the damn car door that always seems to get stuck during the most inconvenient situations.

Carlie reaches over the console and pushes the door open. I throw myself into my seat and toss my briefcase into the back of the silver 2001 Toyota Avalon.

"Now, Carlie," I say as I back out of our gravel driveway, "I don't want to get another call from your principal–today of all days. You're going to listen to your teacher and you're going to get along with your classmates. Am I clear?"

She grunts her approval. "It's not my fault my teachers are such douche bags."

"Hey, watch your mouth. Your teachers–and me–only want what's best for you and we want to help you but we can't do that unless you cooperate. I know how hard it was losing your mom, Carlie, but–"

We arrive at the school and Carlie throws her door open. "Don't, Dad. _Don't _bring up Mom, okay? Have you ever thought that maybe I don't need your help? Maybe I just want to do this on my own." She gets out and slams the door shut behind her.

"Carlie–" My voice cracks as I watch my daughter march towards the school, a wave of black surrounded by a sea of color.

_Oh, Tanya, how I need you._

~()~

"Mr. Cullen, Ms. Swan will see you now."

I clear my throat and stand up, smiling hesitantly at the secretary. "Thank you, uh…" I squint at her name-tag. "Carmen."

She tucks her long black behind her ear and smiles. "No problem. Right this way, Mr. Cullen."

She motions with her hand to a hallway next to her desk and I follow her down it, to the third door on the left. She knocks and I hear a voice murmur the words, "Come in." Carmen opens the door and I step inside.

The first thing I am hit with is the scent which is French Vanilla with a little coconut mixed in–the exact smell of Tanya's old perfume. I still have a half-empty bottle of it tucked away in the bottom drawer of my dresser.

The office is a simple one–there is a couch beneath a large window adjacent to the door, the walls are painted a pale tan with a white trim. The carpet matches the walls. At the far end of the room, in the corner, are two chairs facing a long, wooden desk. Behind said wooden desk is a goddess.

Okay, she's not a _goddess, _per se. But damn, she is gorgeous and sexy as hell.

_What are you thinking, dick? You're married, _the angel on my shoulder says.

_No, you're not, _the devil snaps back. _She's dead._

For the third time today, I shake my head as if to clear all of my jumbled thoughts and focus on the beautiful woman in front of me.

"Are you all right, Mr. Cullen? Would you like something to drink? Have a seat." Her wavy chocolate brown hair frames her porcelain, heart-shaped face perfectly. Her deep brown eyes seem to hold some hidden mystery, a mystery that I suddenly find myself wanting to know the answer to.

Ms. Swan gazes at me expectantly and I realize she's waiting for me to answer her.

"Yes, I'm fine. No, thank you. Thank you," I reply. God, I sound like an idiot. I mentally kick myself as I sit down in front of her. _Great start to a vital interview, Cullen._

"Judging from your application, you fit the expectations at our law firm exactly. You're experienced, focused, a hard worker and have great recommendation from your previous employer. What I'm wondering is, after working at your last job for a decade, why did you leave?" She glances up at me from under her lashes then leans back in her chair, crossing her right leg over the other.

"Well, I like to think I'm all of those things." I clear my throat. "The only reason I resigned from my last place of work was because I couldn't focus much on anything after my wife died and I had to be there for my daughter. But that was nearly two years ago and I believe I'm ready to return to work."

Ms. Swan nods in understanding, but doesn't have the same look of sympathy as everyone else. I'm incredibly grateful for that.

She deeply inhales then sits forward again, folding her hands on the desk in front of her. "Well, then, that's all I needed to know. I have no other questions, since your résumé is very informative. Welcome to the team, Mr. Cullen."

"Wow, are you serious? That's… that's great. Amazing. Thank you so much."

The goddess smiles and extends her hand. I take it, shaking it gently. I can't seem to pull away though and hang on a few beats longer than necessary. She's the one who has to awkwardly release her hand from my grip.

I let out a little cough in embarrassment. Realizing it's time I leave, I stand up, utter another 'thank you' then make my way towards the office door.

"Mr. Cullen? One more thing."

I turn around to face her and wait for her to continue.

"I am truly sorry about Tanya."

"How did you…" I don't recall mentioning my wife's name to this woman.

"Tanya was my best friend in high school, Mr. Cullen. We were very close." She smiles, a faraway look in her eye, most likely reminiscing about her high school days with my wife.

I nod, shocked and a little confused. "Thank you," I whisper.

Then, I hastily make my retreat.

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**Meh. This may be a little boring and possible a little short but, hey! Aren't most first chapters? Anyway, if you're interested in this, review and let me know if I should continue. :)**


	2. Chapter 2: Trouble

**Thank you to those who reviewed on the last chapter. It means a lot to me. :) Hopefully this chapter is better than the first.**

**(All these incredible characters are Stephanie Meyer's doing. I'm just tweekin' up the story a bit. Or a lot.)**

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**Chapter 2: Trouble**

**EPOV**

"I just felt so guilty. I mean, I know that Tanya is gone now but I still felt as if I was almost cheating on her by thinking that another woman was beautiful and sexy. I don't know what got into me, Jasper. What's worse is that she's Tanya's best friend from high school."

"Dude, Edward, you gotta chill out," Jasper says.

Jasper has been my friend since the second grade. We became inseparable after me and him got into a fist fight over the last chocolate pudding in the lunch line. He also married my younger sister, Alice, just a year and a half ago. I didn't attend the wedding because it was just a month or so after Tanya passed away.

Now, I'm here whining to him about my thoughts of Ms. Bella Swan, just an hour after my interview.

"That's your great advice? 'Chill out'? That's fucking great, Jazz. Thanks for your intelligent input," I snap.

"Man, it's not like you slept with the girl! You shook her hand and thought she was hot. So what? I'm sure you had a couple of thoughts like that even when Tanya was alive. God knows I think that every once in a while." He smirks.

"Hey, watch it. You know you're married to my sister, right? That's not something you admit to her brother."

He rolls his eyes at me then childishly sticks his tongue out. "I was your best friend before I was her husband, Eddie."

"Don't call me fu–"

Another voice comes from behind me, cutting me off. "There is now a child present! Please use your brain filter, Edward."

I turn around. "Hey, Alice." I get up to give her a hug.

Bending down, I lift up my one year old nephew and spin him around in the air a few times. He starts giggling and Alice scolds me, telling me to put him back down on the ground.

"Oh, come on, Ali. We're just having some fun." I pat Jackson's head.

She ignores my comment. "So what brings you here, Brother?"

Before I can say anything, Jasper decides to put his two cents in. "Ed met a girl today. They're going to elope."

I turn towards him, giving him a death glare. If only looks could kill. Or at least permanently paralyze. Before I can explain myself to Alice, she lets out a cover-your-ears screech and begins jumping up and down. Sometimes, I swear, there's a five-year old buried inside her.

"You met a girl? What's her name? Is she pretty? When can I meet her? Did you sleep with her yet? It's about damn time you get laid!"

Jasper coughs, most likely to cover up a laugh.

"Alice, I didn't meet anyone. Jasper is just being an ass, like usual."

"You... didn't meet a girl?" Her lower lip sticks out in a pout. "Damn."

"Not technically, no. I had an interview today and thought the girl interviewing me was pretty. When I shook her hand, I held on a little too long. She also told me that she was Tanya's best friend. That's all."

"No, you forgot to mention that because you thought she was pretty, you believe you're almost cheating on Tanya," he says quickly before I can punch him to make him shut his damn mouth.

Alice looks at me with pity then pulls me in for a tight hug. "I know you loved Tanya, that you thought you'd be with her forever but things happen, Edward. She'd want you to move on and be happy and if it's not with this interviewer girl, then with somebody else. You need some sort of companionship, some kind of company."

"I have company," I mutter. "I have you guys, Mom and Dad, Emmett and Rose and Carlie."

She looks at me disapprovingly. "You know what I mean."

I do know what she means but I don't want to face it. I don't want to get over Tanya. She was a huge part of my life and it's not easy to move on from that, even though it has been almost two years. I shake my head and Alice sighs.

"Fine, have it your way. Have fun being alone for the rest of your life." She quickly stomps out of the room.

I don't understand why she's so intent on me finding someone else to spend the rest of my life with, when I'm perfectly happy with what I have now. Okay, maybe I'm not exactly happy but I am content.

Suddenly, my cell phone begins to shrill and Jackson starts dancing to my ringtone.

I sigh, though. Wonder what Carlie did now.

I dig it out of my jeans pocket and hit the 'answer' button. "Hello?"

"Mr. Cullen. Can you please come to the school? Your daughter, Carlie, is in lots of trouble."

Of course she's in trouble. "Yes, I'll be right there."

I hang up and warily look at Jasper. "Carlie in trouble again?"

"Gee, how'd you guess?"

He shakes his head. "I'm really sorry, Edward. That you have to go through all of this."

I'm a little surprised at his seriousness. Jasper is almost always a sarcastic asshole. He does have his moments, though. Like when he proposed to my sister, for example. He took her to Paris and had the most romantic speech ready, the biggest diamond ring and the best setting anyone could ask for: the Eiffel Tower. He's one cheesy motherfucker when he tries.

"Thanks, Jazz. I really appreciate that."

I give him a quick 'dude' hug then leave to go find what more trouble my daughter could get in.

~()~

I rush into Washington Middle School's main office, a little short of breath. I reach the secretary's desk, a heavyset middle-aged woman with a ridiculous amount of dark blue eye shadow, obviously died blonde hair and a floral dress occupying the seat behind it.

"Hi, I'm here for my daughter, Carlie Cullen."

"Ah, the trouble maker," she says in a raspy voice, a voice of too many years of smoking.

I pinch my lips tightly together.

"Just go through that door right there." She points to a closed-door right next to her desk.

I nod, say a quick 'thank you' and knock on the wooden door. Principal Keen opens it and ushers me inside, shutting the door quietly behind us. I notice Carlie slouching in one of the two chairs, picking at her already chipped black nail polish. Right now, all I want to do is choke my daughter. (Or would that be considered child abuse?) How can she do so many bad things at school and then be completely carefree towards it?

Now absolutely enraged because of my daughter's actions and attitude, I take a seat next to her as the principal sits at his desk, trying very hard to reign in the urge to punch something, or some_one._ I send a quick, pointed glare my daughter's way, hoping to let her know with it how pissed off I am at her.

Why does she have to make my life so hard? Doesn't she know that losing Tanya affected me as much as it did her? Why can't she just get it through her thick skull that I don't need, nor can I handle, all this bullshit she's causing me. If only she'd _talk _to me, tell me exactly why she's reacting the way she is, or at least let me send her to therapy. But no, when I suggested that, she threw a fit then walked out of the house. She ended up staying at one of her friend's house for five days and when she came back, neither of us mentioned what went down before she left.

"Mr. Cullen, your daughter was found spray painting profanities on the back of the building with a couple of other students." He hands me a sheet of paper. "These are some of the things she was painting."

The paper has things like _fuck school rules, life is shit _and _Peachy fucking Keen. _

I look up at the principal and shake my head in remorse. "I am so sorry for Carlie's behavior, Principal Keen. I don't know what else I can do." I lower my head, staring at my hands on my lap.

"I understand that things have been tough after your wife died, but this kind of behavior is completely uncalled for and extreme, especially for someone at only twelve years old, Mr. Cullen."

"I'm still in the room, you know," Carlie grumbles.

"Shut your mouth. _Now,_" I snap. "You are in so much trouble, young lady. What is with you? You shouldn't be using this kind of language! Do you know how much of a scumbag that makes you look like? Jesus, Carlie. I don't know how to handle you anymore." I squeeze my eyes shut and pinch the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger.

After I calm down a bit, I look back up at the principal. "What's her punishment?"

"She's suspended for 90 days and will do community service for three hours a day, Monday-Saturday until she returns to school."

"That's not fair!" Carlie shouts, sitting up in her chair. "We were just fooling around. It was a joke!"

Principal Keen remains unfazed by her outburst. "Public vandalism is not simply 'fooling around' nor is it a joke. There's nothing remotely funny about this, Ms. Cullen. You're lucky we're not expelling you." He turns to me again. "You can drop her off at the community service center in town every day, whichever time works for you."

I nod. "Thank you, Principal Keen. Again, I am deeply sorry for her actions."

He smiles wryly then stands to shake my hand. He sees us out of his office, promising that we'll see him soon.

~()~

It's when we're walking towards my car that I spot Ms. Swan walking towards the school–towards us. She sees me too and stops when she reaches us.

"Mr. Cullen. Fancy meeting you here." She smiles. The sun is beating down on her, making the red tints in her brown hair peek out. _She's so beautiful._

I smile back and notice Carlie glowering at her. "Carlie, go wait in the car, please."

She scoffs but, surprisingly, obeys. She yanks open the passenger seat and throws herself in, slamming the door once she's seated.

"Is that your daughter?" When I nod my approval, she says, "She's very pretty."

"Yeah, she is. She'd look just like her mother if she wasn't drowned in black."

"I _can _see a bit of Tanya in her, nonetheless."

I choose not to acknowledge that comment because if I do, it reminds me that she was Tanya's friend. Because she was close to Tanya makes my 'betrayal' seem so much worse. "So, what brings you here, Ms. Swan?" I squint my eyes against the sun.

"Ugh, please call me Bella. I hate the title 'Ms. Swan'. It makes me feel... old." She shudders then lightly laughs.

I chuckle. "You don't look old, not at all."

An awkward silence passes between us and I wish I could take back what I just said.

She brushes her hair behind her ear then says, "Anyway, I'm here to pick up my friend's son to take him to a doctor's appointment. I help out sometimes because Angela's a single mom and has to travel a lot for work."

"Well, that's nice of you."

"Yeah, I guess. I don't mind. Tyler's a great kid." Another beat of silence that she, again, breaks. "Well, Mr. Cullen, I should get going. Don't wanna be late."

"Hey, if I'm going to call you by your first name, then you can call me by mine. It's Edward." I grin and hold out my hand.

She giggles (God, that's so cute) and takes it. "Well, _Edward, _I guess I'll see you at work next week. Have a good evening."

"You too, Bella. Goodbye."

She gives me a half-smile then walks away. I watch her until she disappears into the school. Then, I remember why _I'm _here and climb into my car, pissed at Carlie all over again.

"Is that your _girlfriend_? Are you over Mom already or something?" She says this with a snide voice but I can sense the hurt, the confusion underneath.

"No, she's not my girlfriend, she's my boss. Although, I don't believe that's any of your business. Especially after that little stunt you pulled. What were you thinking, Carlie? Do you think your mom would be proud of the girl your turning into?"

She huffs and crosses her arms over her chest, staring out the window with an angry expression on her face.

The rest of the car ride home is silent, so is the rest of the evening. I've dealt with the silent treatment enough to know that you shouldn't even attempt to talk to a woman when she's delivering it. It'll only make it last longer. So, we eat dinner then go to bed without saying a single word to each other.

It takes me a while to fall asleep, but I eventually do. Just like every other night, I dream of Tanya but this dream... This one's different from all the others.

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**Sorry if the ending was kind of abrupt but I couldn't figure out how to end it so I decided to just leave it there. Hope you enjoyed Chapter 2. Pwetty pwetty pwease leave your reviews! They're just like yummy chocolates. (You have to review now, since I lowered myself to begging!) Ha ha. **


	3. UPDATE!

**Hey guys!**

**I'm really sorry that I haven't updated in... Well, forever. But I guess I just haven't really been in the mood to write and am not even totally sure where I'm planning on going with it, honestly.**

**But fear not! I will upload a new chapter regardless within the next month. (I hope.) ;)**

**BTW, Thanks for reading and reviewing. Means a lot. :)**


	4. Chapter 3: Schizo

**Funny how, as soon as I posted that update, I suddenly had the "inspiration" to write again. Bleh, whatever. Read on, fellow human beings.**

**(All these incredible characters are Stephanie Meyer's doing. I'm just tweekin' up the story a bit. Or a lot.)**

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**Chapter 3: Schizo**

**BPOV**

Edward Cullen.

I'll be damned if I wasn't shocked when Carmen told me that a man named Edward Cullen would be coming in for an interview. I'd be lying if I said that a little of the shock wasn't because I didn't expect him. But that wasn't the main trigger. No, my shock was because Tanya was right. Again.

You see, weeks before Tanya died, after years of no contact, she called me up. She said that she was going to die soon–she could _sense _it. Tanya said that she didn't know when, how or where but after she passed, I would meet up with her husband. And that if I fell in love with him or wanted to be with him, that it'd be perfectly okay. She told me that if he was going to move on from her with anyone, she'd want it to be me. She'd want me to be the one to take care of her daughter and Edward.

At the time, I thought she had gone completely crazy. No one could sense they're going to die. Right?

Wrong. Just three weeks later, I read in the paper that the loved Tanya Denali-Cullen was dead.

Even now, I can't explain what I was feeling when I read that article. It was just a whole jumble of emotions: fear, dread, shock, sorrow, pity, even anger.

I thought about what she said for months. But after a year passed, I told myself that there was no way. Tanya's death was simply a coincidence; she didn't really predict it. I certainly was not going to meet her husband.

I was wrong. Again. Because seven months later, I was notified I would be interviewing Edward Cullen for a job at our firm.

I know the moment Carmen handed me his resume that I would not turn him down. It wouldn't be much of an interview because I already knew everything I needed to know about him. He would walk in and I would all but hand him this legal assistant job on a silver platter.

And that's exactly what happened.

The moment I saw him, I knew Tanya was right. Again. Edward Cullen was exactly the kind of man I could fall in love with. And if his prolonged handshake was anything to go by, he was thinking the same thing about me.

The "interview" lasted all of ten minutes and I could tell he was surprised that I hired him so quickly. But then I told him I was once his deceased wife's best friend and I think he understood. Although, the second after I told him, he was gone.

Now, I'm at the middle school to pick up Angela's son and see Edward walking towards his car with a girl in all black, from her head to her toes. I consider just walking passed them but then Edward looks up and notices me so I walk up to him.

"Mr. Cullen. Fancy meeting you here." _Fancy meeting you here? Idiot,_ I mentally mock myself.

I notice the girl in black glaring at me while Edward gives me a smile. Edward must see the look I'm receiving from the girl because he turns her way and says, "Carlie, go wait in the car, please."

She makes an objection in the back of her throat but gets in the car and loudly shuts the door behind herself.

"Is that your daughter?" I ask. _Moron. She's obviously his daughter. _Edward nods his head and I compliment, "She's very pretty."

"Yeah, she is," he agrees. "She'd look just like her mother if she wasn't drowned in all that black."

"I _can _see a bit of Tanya in her, nonetheless."

His face tightens minutely at my comment and I find myself wondering why. Maybe because I mentioned Tanya? Does it still hurt him to hear her name?

"So, what brings you here, Ms. Swan?" It doesn't escape my notice that he completely disregards my comment but I don't call him out on it. That'd be full of awkwardness, as if this conversation isn't already awkward enough. Instead, I decide to joke, to lighten the mood.

"Ugh, please call me Bella. I hate the title 'Ms. Swan'. It makes me feel… old." I shudder a little to emphasize my point.

He laughs at my attempt at a joke. "You don't look old, not at all."

Oh my God, is Edward Cullen actually flirting with me? A heavy silence settles between us. I frantically search my brain for a way to salvage our conversation when I remember that I never answered his question.

"Anyway, I'm here to pick up my friend's son to take him to a doctor's appointment. I help out sometimes because Angela's a single mom and has to travel a lot for work."

"Well, that's nice of you."

"Yeah, I guess. I don't mind. Tyler's a great kid."

More silence. Edward shoves his hands in his pockets and shifts his weight from one foot to the other.

"Well, Mr. Cullen, I should get going. Don't wanna be late."

"Hey, if I'm going to call you by your first name, then you can call me by mine. It's Edward." He grins and offers me his hand.

_As if I don't know your name. _"Well, _Edward, _I guess I'll see you at work next week. Have a good evening."

"You too, Bella. Goodbye."

As I walk away, I can feel Edward's eyes on my back but as soon as I'm in the school, I look out the glass door and see him climbing into his car with a furious look on his face.

Edward Cullen is a mystery.

~()~

**EPOV**

_"Edward," Tanya whispers in my ear. A shiver runs down my spine, chilling me to the bone and goose bumps take residence on my skin. "It's okay, Edward."_

_"Tanya? Tanya, what are you talking about?" _

_She appears in front of me, an angel. She is illuminated by a bright light, so bright that her face is almost unrecognizable. Her long, blonde hair is waving lightly behind her. She is so beautiful. It makes me ache for her. _

_"Bella, Edward. It was meant to be… You have to move on, for Carlie. For me." Her hand reaches out and lightly touches my cheek but I cannot feel it. Nonetheless, I lean into her touch. _

_"I can't, Tanya. I don't know how to."_

_"Please… You have to…"_

_Her voice slowly fades away as I drift toward consciousness. But I can't. Not yet. I don't want to wake up, where reality will hit me like an 18-wheeler. Where my Tanya is dead and I am alone and Carlie is miserable._

~()~

But I do. There is absolutely no way to avoid it. I can't remain in my dreams with Tanya forever. I have a daughter to take care of, after all. And, after two years, a job to look forward to. Although, I'm not sure one really looks forward to a job.

_They do if Isabella Swan is their boss, _my inner-self murmurs.

_Shut up!_

_Do normal people talk to themselves?_

_I don't know._

Oh my God, I'm going crazy. I shake my head sort of violently to expel some of the craziness going on inside of it. Then I swing my legs over the side of the bed and sit up. Suddenly out of any energy I happened have, I lean my elbows on my knees and place my head in my hands, yanking at my hair.

I don't remember much of the dream I had but it has left me with a feeling of dread and sadness, and maybe even a little guilt. I don't like the feeling, especially not this early in the morning. I don't move from my spot until Carlie taps on the door to my room.

"Dad?"

"Yeah."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"Cause I heard sobbing."

I don't realize I'm crying–wailing–until she says that. I straighten up and wipe my eyes before standing and opening the door.

"Carlie, I'm fine."

I must've said it a little too harsh because her face twists up in a grimace and she defensively crosses her arms over her chest. "I was just being nice, Dad. _God._"

"I know. I'm sorry." I reach out to gently touch her arm but she jerks back.

"Can I go over to Morgan's house?" she says suddenly, changing the topic like she always does when things have a chance of turning emotional.

I run my fingers through my hair and squeeze my eyes shut, preparing for the imminent fight that is about to ensue. "No, Carlie. I told you–you're grounded. What you did yesterday–"

She throws her hands up in the air. "Dad! That's not fair!"

"It is completely fair and you know it. Besides, you have to go to community service at some point today."

"I… Whatever! I hate you."

I exhale harshly as she stomps to her room, slams the door and Breaking Benjamin begins blasting through the speakers. I want to tell her to turn it down but it's just not worth it. Besides, it's a pretty damn good song.

_"If you find your family, don't you cry_

_In this land of make-believe, dead and dry_

_You're so cold, but you feel alive_

_Lay your hand on me one last time"_

~()~

The rest of the weekend passes without much event. Carlie, surprisingly, willingly attends her community service. We agreed on her going from 3-6, since I have to work from 6 a.m. to 2 p.m. While at work, she has to stay with the neighbor, Mrs. Peterson, because I definitely don't trust her home alone for eight hours.

On Monday, I get up and get ready for work, for the first time since Tanya died. It's honestly kind of nice, settling back into a routine and not having nothing to do but mope around the house all day.

I walk Carlie over to Mrs. Peterson's house then get in the car and drive to work. Arriving at the building, I sit in the car for a few minutes, trying to keep my breathing under control and my heart from racing like it is. I don't know why I'm so nervous.

_Probably because of the hot girl you're going to be working with._

Goddammit. Maybe I'm schizo.

I finally work up the courage to get out of the car and enter the Conrad and Associates Law Firm.

I am, once again, greeted by Carmen.

"Hello, Mr. Cullen. Ms. Swan wants to see you in her office right away. From there, she'll show you to your work space." She smiles at me, seeming a little flirtatious.

"Thank you, Carmen," I say, not even slightly returning the flirting.

I find my way to Bella's–Ms. Swan's–office. I lightly knock on the slightly ajar door and, barely a second later, hear Bella say, "Come in, Edward."

I push the door all the way open and enter the room, feeling the plush carpet under my shoes. "Would you like me to shut this?" I ask, gesturing to the door.

"No, it's fine. Thank you." She smiles with the right corner of her mouth. "Please, have a seat." She points to the chair I sat in just a few days ago.

I do so and fold my hands together on my lap. "How are you this morning?"

"I'm fine. Thank you for asking." She smiles with her whole mouth this time. "Now, down to business. We are currently working on the Mark Taylor case. Are you aware of what's currently going on with Mr. Taylor?"

I tilt my head to side and scratch my cheek. "No, I'm afraid I'm not."

"Alright. Well, I'm going to show you to your work space and you can read up on the case, so you're able to help me figure it all out. Okay?"

"Perfect. Sounds great."

"Great."

We both rise at the same time. She casually, maybe even jokingly, throws her arm around my neck as she leads me back through the door I came in, around the corner, down a short hallway and into a room full of cubicles. She stops at the first one we reach and pulls my chair out for me.

"Here we are, Mr. Cullen. Is this okay?" She looks at me sideways.

"It's just right. Thank you." I smile at her, flashing my teeth.

"Good. I'm glad." She spins on her heels and begins to walk away before turning back around to face me. "Oh, and Edward? I'm glad you decided to apply here. I feel like I'm... I don't know. Helping Tanya out, maybe. It makes me feel better, knowing that. So, thank you." I can hear the ring of sincerity in her voice and for the second time since meeting her, I'm left completely speechless.

After a few moments of silence, she nods once, purses her lips and walks away.

Jesus Christ, what is this woman doing to me?

* * *

**Welp, here's my first update in a long while. Hope you weren't too disappointed. Read and review, please. :)**


	5. Chapter 4: Weakness

**(All these incredible characters are Stephanie Meyer's doing. I'm just tweekin' up the story a bit. Or a lot.)**

* * *

**Chapter 4: Weakness**

**EPOV**

Tanya and I met in the beginning of seventh grade. Toward the end of eighth grade, I moved a couple towns over, so we then went to separate schools. Nonetheless, we continued to hang out together and finally began dating our freshmen year of high school. When Tanya was sixteen and I was almost seventeen, during the winter of our junior year, she asked me to come over to her house. After conversing with her parents for a while, we finally broke away from them and she led me up to her room. She sat on her bed and began picking at her bright orange nail polish and repeatedly brushing her hair out of her face. I was instantly nervous because, after four and a half years of being around her, I knew that her actions were a sign of complete nervousness and distress.

I sat down next to her on the bed and grabbed both her hands, pulling her until we were facing each other, cross-legged, in the middle of the queen-sized mattress.

It took some coaxing on my part to get her to finally talk to me but when she did, I wished she didn't.

Because the first thing that she blurted out was, "Edward, I'm pregnant."

Immediately, the Kenny Chesney song, 'There Goes My Life' came to mind.

_"There goes my life_

_There goes my future,_

_My everything_

_Might as well_

_Kiss it all goodbye"_

It took me over an hour to finally react to her words. The whole time, Tanya sat across from me, with silent, glistening tears running down her cheeks. When it finally hit me, it hit me hard, like a shit-ton of bricks and all I could do was cry with her. I pulled her tightly into my chest as we fell back on the bed and sobbed together. We cried for our lives, our futures, our naivety, our ignorance because we knew, that as soon as that baby came, we would lose all of that.

Of course, we talked about other options. I even talked her into going to an abortion clinic but at the last minute, Tanya couldn't do it. I didn't and couldn't blame her. I wasn't angry. I understood. Besides, it was her body and if she wanted to keep that baby, then so be it. I would be there every step of the way. Through every morning sickness, every mood swing, every food craving, every contraction.

And I was. I was there until the very end of her pregnancy and thereafter. What can I say? I was in love. And more than that, I wasn't going to be one of those guys that fucked and ducked. I was going to man up and face the consequences. Well, that's the thinking that got me through this pregnancy.

But when Carlie was born and I held her in my arms for the very first time, I knew it was more than responsibility. It was love. When I looked into that baby's eyes and saw her tiny, little fists, I was hooked. I couldn't've walked away even if I tried. I was so glad that Tanya didn't go through with the abortion. All the heartache and worry and fear were worth this beautiful angel in my arms who looked just like her mother. (Tanya would argue that she looked more like me but that is utterly not true.)

Just a month after Carlie was born, I got down on one knee and proposed to Tanya, in the middle of the night, butt naked.

We got married at the end of 2003, the year Tanya turned 18.

We were married for seven years and (almost) four months before she passed away. And when she died, I didn't know what to do. It was absolutely and inexplicably unexpected. It was so sudden that when, I was left in the aftermath, I had no clue what just happened. I was numb. I didn't and couldn't talk to anyone, partly because I didn't have anything to say and partly because my brain couldn't articulate any words. Even if it could, my mouth wouldn't be able to form them.

The reality of her death didn't sink in until I saw them lowering her casket into the ground. Then, I went crazy. I began screaming and crying. I kicked over a bunch of flowerpots, tore down the small tent over the gravesite. When I was finally out of energy, I fell to the ground on my knees, tearing my hair out and sobbing. Tanya's parents had to grab me and bring me down the hill while I calmed down. I'm thankful that Carlie wasn't there, instead staying at my parents' house. I'm sure most of the people at the funeral thought I belonged in an asylum.

After the funeral, I went home, crawled into bed and cried, which is how I remained for a week straight. For two weeks, Carlie stayed with my parents. I couldn't let her see me like that.

But now, looking at how Carlie turned out, I think I made a huge mistake by making her stay with my non-grieving parents. She should have been with me, so she could have seen that I was just as affected by Tanya's death, so that we could have cried together. I shouldn't have left her at my parents' so that she was left to cry alone.

Nine years old was too young to lose your mother, especially when her father wasn't there to help her through it because he was too full of pride to let his daughter see him like that.

But I realize, now, that that was exactly what she needed.

~()~

The Mark Taylor case is about a sixteen year old black man who was accused of robbing a convenient store and then killing the person at the cash register and two of the customers. The evidence against him is very slim and not at all convincing. There's a surveillance tape of the robbery and murder. The man in the video looks nothing like Mark Taylor: the actual robber/murderer is about four inches taller, much heavier and has shorter hair and slightly lighter hair. It seems to me that the only reason he was accused was because the robber/murderer got away before the police could come, so Taylor was the closest black man they could pick on.

The only thing that could maybe sell the jury on his "guiltiness" was that he was found crouching behind one of the shelves with a pocketknife in his boot.

He told the police that he was hiding–like almost everyone else was–because he was scared. He didn't want to get shot. In the file, there's also an audio clip of his mother saying, in a thick southern accent, "I know that my son is innocent. You police officers are just racist bastards, who believe that all black people are murderers. He is innocent!" Then she begins sobbing so hard that she can no longer speak.

By the time I'm finished reading the file and listening to all the "evidence," I am completely pissed off. It is bullshit that this sixteen year old is being accused of committing a crime all because of his skin color. What happened to equality? Racism isn't supposed to exist anymore.

I am so engrossed in pounding the keys on my keyboard to note and draft the documents that I don't realize that I was supposed to leave work half an hour ago and that Bella is now standing behind me.

She begins gently tapping my shoulder to get my attention. "Edward? Are you okay?"

I spin around in my chair and rub my palm over my face. "Yeah… Yeah, I'm fine. I'm sorry. It's just that… this case is sick. It shouldn't even be a case. The kid is obviously innocent. All because of his fucking skin color, he's accused of murder?"

I don't notice that I'm beginning to shout until I see the looks I'm getting from people in the cubicles around me and the amused expression on Bella's face.

"Yeah, I know what you mean, Edward. It's sickening. That's why we gotta try our hardest to prove this kid innocent. If they find him guilty, it'll screw up his whole life for nothing… You used to be a lawyer, correct?" She tilts her head at me with a soft smile on her beautiful lips. Her deep, brown eyes sparkle as I look into them.

"Correct."

"Well, you know that legal assistants don't usually offer legal advice and accompany in court and talk to the clients but I'm making an exception for you because I'm sure that you know what you're doing. Do you want to help me win this case?"

"Of course I do. I'll do anything to get this kid off the hook."

She grins. "Then it's settled. You can finish drafting the document when you come back to work tomorrow." Bella holds her hand out and I place the papers and USB port back in the folder and pass it off to her. "Thank you, Mr. Cullen."

"Of course." I put all my stuff into my briefcase and throw my jacket over my shoulder. I'm almost out of the room when Bella runs up behind me and grabs my arm.

"Edward, wait."

I turn around and smile down at her. "Yes?"

She bites her lip and I find it the most erotic and endearing thing I've ever seen. I'm basically hypnotized by the action and almost don't catch her next words. "I'm not sure how to ask this so I'm just gonna do it, okay? It's all right if you say no, I just have to ask."

I look at her, my gaze probably full of confusion. "What is it, Ms. Swan?"

She looks at me in exasperation. "I thought I told you to call me Bella." She smirks and giggles lightly. I smile at the sound and run my fingers through my hair.

"Ask me, _Bella. _The suspense is killing me."

She sighs and looks down at her feet. "I was wondering if you'd like to go to dinner sometime. I really like talking to you and I was just… I really want to go out to eat with you or something. I know I'm your boss or whatever and that it might be weird but I-I don't know. It's stupid. Never mind. Forget I asked."

"Bella," I whisper. I don't know what to say (big surprise) and I can see the defeat and rejection washing across her face as soon as she looks up at me and sees shock in mine.

"I was right. It's stupid. I'm sorry."

She walks right past me, back to her office. She's in the doorway when I finally find my damn voice.

"Bella, wait!"

She slowly, and probably reluctantly, turns to face me and I stride toward her until there are only a couple inches between us.

"_I'm _sorry. It was rude how I didn't say anything–I just wasn't sure what to say. You kind of caught me off guard." I smile crookedly at her and I see a sliver of hope enter her eyes.

"So?" she says, daring to let some of that hope ring out in her voice.

"So, I would love to go to dinner with you."

She smiles ear to ear, her already wide eyes growing even wider. "Great! Um, how does Friday night sound?"

"That's perfect. I'll pick you up at your house around six?"

"Yeah, okay. Here, I'll write my address down really quick." She scurries into her office and I watch her go. Seconds later, she appears back in front of me with a scrap of paper in her outstretched hand.

I take it from her. "I'll see you tomorrow, Ms. Swan." She gives me a reprimanding look. I smack my forehead. "Right. I mean, I'll see you tomorrow, _Bella._"

She smiles again, bright as the sun, and nods.

I walk out of the law firm and climb into my car, throwing my briefcase in the backseat. I start the car then rest my head back against the headrest, closing my eyes. Once again, I remind myself that Bella used to be Tanya's best friend–I shouldn't be getting involved with her. Why did I agree to dinner? I don't want to get into another relationship, especially not with my wife's best friend. I consider canceling but know that I won't be able to do it. The smile on Bella's face when I agreed was absolutely breathtaking and I can't cancel on her like that.

I just wonder how I'm going to tell Carlie about it. She'll be angry if she knows –

_Carlie!_

I quickly look at the clock and realize that it's quarter of three. The drive to pick her up and then drop her off at community service is at least twenty minutes. I was supposed to pick her up fifteen minutes ago!

"Shit, shit, shit, shit," I mutter to myself, like a mantra as I quickly throw the car into reverse. I begin to speedily back out of the parking space when I hear a loud horn behind me. I slam on the brakes and look in the rearview mirror. A pick-up was driving past me when I started backing up. I wave at him to let him know I'm sorry. Trying to calm my racing heart, I wait until the pick-up is passed me and then carefully back out.

As soon as I hit the road, I shove the accelerator to the floor.

Now's not the time to worry about my date with Bella.

~()~

As soon as Carlie is safely in the car with the door closed, I'm peeling out of Mrs. Peterson's driveway and driving back the way I came from.

"Whoa, there." She quickly crosses her seatbelt over her chest and clicks it in place. "Why are you so late?"

"I got held up at work."

She turns the radio on and crosses her arms as she looks out the window. "Do you still think about mom?"

"Carlie, what? Of course I still think about your mother. I loved her so much."

She nods again and purses her lips. "I'm starting to forget about her. You know, what she looked like, what she smelled like, what her voice sounded like…"

I am surprised as hell at the direction our conversation has taken. Carlie never–and I mean _never_–likes to talk about her mom, especially not with me. I wonder what brought this all on but I know better than to ask.

"I know, Carlie. And I know how hard it is. And I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you right after her death. I just knew that I couldn't comfort you when I was so distraught. I'm also sorry that we don't talk about her nearly enough. Whenever you want to talk about her, I'm here. Whatever questions you have about your mom, I'll answer."

We arrive at the community service center. "Thanks, Dad." She pushes open her door and then shuts it behind her.

I don't want to think about her words because, honestly, they cut like a knife. And I also don't want to hope that Carlie may have finally loosened and will begin to be more open with me and well-behaved because I know that's not true. My daughter just had a moment of weakness, for reasons unbeknownst to me.

I think about going home but then realize that I really don't want to go home and sit there alone for three hours, with nothing to do. Besides, I haven't visited someone in a while.

So, instead, I head in the opposite direction of my house.

~()~

**BPOV**

I finally get home and throw my keys down on the stand near the door. I take off my jacket and long-sleeved top off and toss them on the couch, so I'm left in my dress pants and tank top.

I head toward the kitchen and put a frozen meal in the microwave before making my way upstairs to change into some sweats and remove my makeup. Once I'm done with that, I grab my meal out of the microwave and sit on the couch. After mindlessly flipping through TV channels, I finally settle on a rerun of America's Next Top Model.

I finish my meal then grab a beer and head back upstairs. After settling in bed with a book, I happen to look across the room and something on the bulletin board catches my eye. I slowly get back out of bed and walk up to the corkboard. Carefully, I take the newspaper clipping off and sit on the edge of the mattress.

It's a short article on the death of Tanya Denali-Cullen. I completely forgot that I put this up there.

_Tanya Denali-Cullen, at the young age of twenty-five, passed away in the afternoon of Friday, April 27__th__, 2011. When she died, she left behind her husband and young daughter. Her husband, Edward Cullen, asked that the details of her death not be released to the public._

_Her funeral and burial will be held at the J. Jenks Funeral Home on Monday, April 30__th__. Only family and close friends are welcome to attend._

I sigh and stare at the article for a little while longer before hanging it back up on my bulletin board. Since Edward didn't want people to know how she died, I, and many other people, never found out. It kills me that I don't know. I wish I'd never noticed the article hanging up because now I'm never going to get to sleep, since the mystery is going to be eating at me, taking up my entire mind.

Nonetheless, I curl up in bed and cry for the loss of my best friend, whom I should have kept in touch with but was selfish and a bitch and didn't want to be around someone who became pregnant at sixteen years old. So, instead, I'd abandoned her when she needed me the most.

And yet she'd forgiven me and gave me the go to fall for her husband.

And I might be doing just that.

* * *

**Damn, I'm on a roll. It seems like I either upload chapters within a few days of each other or don't upload for a couple months. Let's hope that I can continue on my streak.**

**Your constructive criticism is welcome. I really like to know how I can improve. **

**By the way, I'm thinking I'd like to change the name of this story so any suggestions would be much appreciated. :)**


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